Today is an anniversary. It is exactly four years today since 'discovery'. That is, the first seizure which announced the presence of the Unwelcome Stranger. Against all the odds, Denis is still here.
You have not heard from Denis for a little while and I know everyone is wondering how he is doing.
Not so good.
That is the problem with dying. When everyone most wants to know what is happening, it is the time when you are least able to tell them.
Some protracted 'new' seizures on Saturday night, and the subsequent increased deficits in communication and mobility, mean that Denis is extremely unlikely to write on here again.
He has seen the people that he wants to see. He is weary and content to sleep.
The problem for me is that Denis, through this blog and social media, has come to feel a bit like public property for many people. Unsurprisingly, he does not feel like that for me.
With upwards of 100 requests, texts, emails, private Facebook and Twitter messages in the last week, from people who would like to be kept personally informed, you will all be disappointed to read that I don't plan on doing that.
This is not the time for me to be looking at a keyboard and answering questions.
It is the time for me to sit holding Den's hand and loving him while he is still here.
Thanks for all your messages of support.
Denis says thank you all for your friendship. It has meant more to him than you will know.
This is our time now.
Good on ya Trace!
ReplyDeleteNinja + Boris and Charlie
Indeed it is your time, Tracey.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for sharing Denis with us through all this, and I am thinking of you and your family through this period.
Jane.
Thank you Tracey. Just know that I am one of many who have been enriched by Denis' thoughts, and that through his writings he has helped me come to terms with my own experience as a carer.
ReplyDeleteI wish for you a continuation of the strength and grace you have displayed throughout. kvd
Strong, gracious, loving and so very, very generous.
ReplyDeleteYour time now....and forever....xx
Thinking of you both, with love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Denis for so generously sharing your thoughts over the last three years. Thank you Tracey for generously sharing Denis. Thinking of both of you - have a peaceful time together now ..
ReplyDeleteVery well said, Tracey. My deep admiration for both of you, for what it's worth, goes with you.
ReplyDeleteTracey, thanks for the update - this really isn't the time you'd be wanting to do this, so much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI feel truly privileged to have known and conversed with Denis, for this short time.
Treasure your time together - my thoughts and best wishes are with you both.
It is your time. Denis lit up twitter with wit, charm, honesty, good manners and wow, how he became a part of all our "lives". How blessed you both are to have known each other. Thank you for sharing Denis with his Tweeps.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you'll ever check back in here Tracey. I hope you do, so you can read all the well wishes & sympathies for you & good-byes to Denis. I have to ditto everything said above, it really HAS been a privilege & a delight to have known Denis, if only online. As great as our loss is, I can't begin to imagine your loss. Thank you for sharing him with us all these years, and for your update. I wish Denis a peaceful ending, & hope you many friends & family to support you then, & when it's time to go on.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you both,
Peggy Larson - aka Pegs.
Thank you so much Tracey for taking the time to post.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tracey. XX
ReplyDeleteI have known Denis since 1992 and I will always treasure the good memories of wine fueled dinners and lunches with him and Tracey. Over the duration of Denis' illness, our face to face contact with him gradually dwindled as Denis' energy decreased, but we were lucky to have seen him briefly a few days before his current decline.
ReplyDeleteWhen the idea of a blog was first discussed, Denis dismissed it as he feared it would be infested with miracle cure proselytisers. Later, thankfully, he changed his mind, and his life-changing blog opened an entire new world to him of creative writing. Fortunately, his initial fear never materialised, and he reached out and touched perhaps hundreds of people through his lucid, compassionate, unflinching examination of what it is like to suffer this terrible illness. Of course, this meant that we all had to share Denis with more and more people as his blog's popularity and reputation increased while his limited time and energy decreased. No one felt this more than Tracey. I can briefly glimpse what this must feel like when my partner disappears into his computer, inspired to write. I feel his absence in the room and in my life until the creative work is finished.
While I felt and lamented a friend slipping away from me, I also felt gratitude that he had found something so satisfying and engrossing, and most of all, that he discovered a new self he possibly never knew existed -- that of a superb creative writer. The ending of the blog leaves a huge hole in my life. Every morning for three years, my first act was to log onto Denis' blog. But "all things come to an end", and I can only hope that Denis' transition is as smooth as possible, and that Tracey's transition gradually unfolds into a new and satisfying life.
Thanks, Tracey. Love to you and Denis. We'll miss him. x
ReplyDeleteLove to you both.
ReplyDeleteE.
Thinking of you both with huge admiration for your courage, humour and love. xx Sue Uden
ReplyDeleteThankyou Tracey, you have both generously and graciously included us as far as this point, in all the ups and downs and it's been a precious privilege, more than Denis has even realised. Much love to you both xx
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post Tracey. Love to you both!
ReplyDeleteMy sincere gratitude for this amazing blog and my thoughts and prayers, to both of you.
ReplyDeleteA nurse, USA
You two will never be forgotten.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing him with us all, Tracey.
ReplyDeleteMy heartfelt sympathy to those who loved Denis. I was a Twitter friend for a short time, because I know what it is to love and lose someone through a brain tumor. Stay strong his family, and goodbye dear funny Denis.
ReplyDeleteDear Tracey,
ReplyDeleteI am sure you have planned a magnificent farewell for Denis. Denis was a truly exceptional person - this was overwhelmingly obvious to total strangers like me, let alone to his beloved family and friends. He and I exchanged a few emails and tweets. His intellect, warmth and humanity shone so brightly. I felt very privileged to have had some insights into his superb ways of thinking via this blog. I came to Denis' blog during my own time as a carer for my husband, George, who also had a GBM4. I wish you love and courage - no, sorry, you have already shown all the courage that anyone could be capable of. I wish you love, gratitude for your extreme generosity, and all the support that you will ever need.
With love from a person you have never met or even heard of,
Jenny De Lacey (ex-Armidale)