I dislike titling articles "10 ways to...." "6 Things to avoid when...." "12 ideas that ...."
I know, it's the way the writer tells you there will be limits to the post, so it serves a useful purpose – but I just get tired of it, just as I do with some pretty typefaces. Sometimes there's just no other way to do it, but it's been done to death. It gets tedious.
So this is a sort of disclaimer in case you share my idiosyncrasy. It's also a prologue of sorts. Oh dear. Read on.
The author Elmore Leonard wrote Ten Rules for Writing, details of which, among many more pieces of wonderful writing advice, are located here.
They left me somewhat chastened, I must admit. Here they are, with my helpful additions.
1. Never open a story with the weather.
On that wintry night, with a pale moon passing through the storm clouds building in the west, I chose to begin my story with a weather analysis. It's my farm background.
2. Avoid prologues.
Mine are frequent, in green italics. Yeah. Like up there at the top. Deal with it.
3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue.
"But why would you never do that?" he responded.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said."
"But why not?" he said aggressively.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control!
So damn holier-than-thou!!!!
6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose."
Unless used together, with exclamation marks, viz: "Suddenly, all hell broke loose!!!"
Holy rising hemlines, Batman....
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.
"Or toff-nosed Latin like viz.," he retorted tartly, sans enthusiasm.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
Jessie was both honest and beautiful, her ability to exploit her physical charms and intense charisma belying the depth of her intellect, which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi I bet no-one read this pearl of wisdom right here in the middle oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez or this other very nice piece of description ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would see blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy did you notice that? Apparently not.
9. Same for places and things.
I get the idea. See 8.
10. Leave out the parts readers tend to skip.
Gee – that leaves my blog very, very empty. Again, see 8.
I know, it's the way the writer tells you there will be limits to the post, so it serves a useful purpose – but I just get tired of it, just as I do with some pretty typefaces. Sometimes there's just no other way to do it, but it's been done to death. It gets tedious.
So this is a sort of disclaimer in case you share my idiosyncrasy. It's also a prologue of sorts. Oh dear. Read on.
✽ ✽ ✽ ✽ ✽
They left me somewhat chastened, I must admit. Here they are, with my helpful additions.
1. Never open a story with the weather.
On that wintry night, with a pale moon passing through the storm clouds building in the west, I chose to begin my story with a weather analysis. It's my farm background.
2. Avoid prologues.
Mine are frequent, in green italics. Yeah. Like up there at the top. Deal with it.
3. Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue.
"But why would you never do that?" he responded.
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb "said."
"But why not?" he said aggressively.
5. Keep your exclamation points under control!
So damn holier-than-thou!!!!
6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose."
Unless used together, with exclamation marks, viz: "Suddenly, all hell broke loose!!!"
Holy rising hemlines, Batman....
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.
"Or toff-nosed Latin like viz.," he retorted tartly, sans enthusiasm.
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.
Jessie was both honest and beautiful, her ability to exploit her physical charms and intense charisma belying the depth of her intellect, which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi I bet no-one read this pearl of wisdom right here in the middle oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez or this other very nice piece of description ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy which none would see blah blah yada oyez oyez oyez ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy blah blah yadad oyez oyez oyse ossie ossie ossi oy oy oy did you notice that? Apparently not.
9. Same for places and things.
I get the idea. See 8.
10. Leave out the parts readers tend to skip.
Gee – that leaves my blog very, very empty. Again, see 8.
.
Well, here's my Numero Eleven.
These are superb writing tips and I'm going to try adhering to them. Nevertheless, I think there's also merit in going with instinct and simply enjoying writing in one's own style, whether or not it breaks such sane rules designed to avoid superfluity and gluggery.
That is exactly what I'm going to continue to do when I write my blog, so there. I'll do it my way, clichés and all; but with a new consciousness of principles which are bound to improve writing style enormously, as do these ten rules above.
Oh. I think this is an epilogue, but he didn't say I couldn't use one of those. Taa-daahhh!!!
Very good writing tips. My fiction writing needs considerable improvement. Journalism is a different ball game, though. Thanks for posting this Denis!
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Journalism is different. When I started writing web op pieces, I thought, 'This is just about stepping down a bit from the high horse of academic writing.'
DeleteHow wrong can you be? In many cases, it's a gigantic step up – or away? – from the high horse. I still haven't made the adjustment when I'm blog-writing, which is another art form again.
Did you see the C S Lewis tips for children in the next posting? They're eye-openers – especially 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5....
I just read the C S Lewis tips and that's exactly right. As my news writing lecturer taught me, journalistic writing is about learning your ABC:
DeleteA-Accuracy
B-Brevity
C-Clarity
These tips significantly improved my writing, and I think could improve everybody's writing!
It's a dark and stormy night here in Brisbane as I look over my entry to the Bulwer - Lytton Competition. I'll make sure to ignore all those tips.
ReplyDeleteThen you're in with a big show. Don't you love the Bulwer-Lytton competition entries?
DeleteDo you remember the very funny Peanuts cartoon where Snoopy is writing his novel?
"It was dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out. A door slammed. The maid screamed. Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury.
Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was growing up."
End of Part I
Snoopy then types "Part II" and looks up grinning with a thought balloon thinking "In part two, I tie all of this together.".
Several weeks later Charles Schultz published a followup strip. Once again Snoopy was typing his novel.
Part II
"A light snow was falling, and the little girl with the tattered shawl had not sold a violet all day.
At that moment, a young intern at City Hospital was making an important discovery."
At the end of this strip Snoopy looks up with a frown and a thought balloon thinking "I may have written myself into a corner".
http://www.hjkeen.net/halqn/peanuts.htm
I'd try to avoid doing that if I were you, Janice.